My Mom

I just wanted to take a moment to share how amazing my mom is.  She is the one person who has always been there for me, who I have always been able to talk to about anything without any judgement (and little to no awkwardness), a great role model, a best friend, and just an all around great parent.

Now don’t get me wrong, my mom and I have definitely had our rough patches and have not always gotten along.  But regardless of our differences, she has always loved me for who I am and been there for me through thick and thin.

My mom had a very rough childhood–growing up with an abusive father and later a single mother, as well as 4 other brothers and sisters. They lived off very little, but that never stopped my mom from pursuing her dreams. She loved books and dreamed of one day being an English teacher.

When she was 15 years old she found out she was pregnant with me and soon began to panic about how she was going to take care of herself, let alone another human being who depended solely on her. However, she managed to do a great job. Growing up on welfare and then having to depend on it herself for a short period of time, she got her G.E.D., took care of me, went to college, worked, went to law school, and fought for the things she believed in.

Today she is a great attorney, a wonderful mother to both me and my sister, a wife, an amazing friend, an aspiring writer, an activist, and so much more.

This is just one of the many things she has done that makes her amazing:

 

Being pregnant is hard?! (part 3)

Being at a regular OB/GYN was so much better than dealing with the stupid clinic! That and knowing the baby was OK took A LOT of stress off and I was actually happy for a few weeks.  But of course, since I didn’t have to worry about all that anymore, the fact that I was pregnant really got to sink in and I started to freak out.

Would I be a good mom? How are we going to afford to take care of a baby? I don’t have a secure enough job right now. The car is too small for a baby. How am I going to afford to go to all these doctors appointments? What if Mikel doesn’t want to keep the baby? What if he’s not as excited about all this as I am? Am I ruining his life? I am, I’m ruining his life by being pregnant. But he got me pregnant, so it’s his fault too. OMG now my dad knows I’m not a virgin! I wonder if he’s mad at me? My family is going to kill me. I hope I’m a good mom. Should I keep it? Or would it be better off without me? Maybe I should give it up for adoption? No I can’t do that if I’m going to carry it and feel everything. Maybe I’ll get an abortion? No I can’t do that either. I’m having a baby. I’m horrible for thinking about having an abortion and giving away my child to someone else. What is wrong with me?! Ugh this is so much to deal with. 

Eventually I calmed down and my doubts pretty much went away. It also helped that a lot of women close to me told me what a great mother I was going to be.  “Kelsey you’re going to be such a great mom—a much better mom than I was. You’ve been a little mother since you were a toddler! I remember when you were about 3 years old and I was sick. You tucked me into bed and rubbed my back and told me to get some rest and I’d feel better.” “I have no doubt in my mind you’ll be a good mom. I’m not worried about you at all. You have a good head on shoulders and carry yourself well. I honestly thought that you were a lot older than you are because of how mature you are.”

It was nice to know that everyone else believed in me even if I didn’t yet. Things were starting to look up 🙂 But I thought that the worst was over and I was clearly wrong!

I was nauseous ALL the time, exhausted even after sleeping for 12 hours, needy, whiny, uncomfortable, and soon irritated…about everything. All the time.

My PCP had taken me off of my anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication when they found out I was pregnant. That was probably the worst thing they could have done! At first I was fine, but I gradually realized exactly why I needed to take that medication in the first place. For those of you who are or have been pregnant, you know that you naturally get irritable. Well, being off my medication it was that normal irritability times like 10. Horrible. Literally, I wouldn’t be able to be around me and I’m dead serious about that.

But on top of ALL that irritation, I also have to deal with random anxiety attacks, bad depression, and someone who is constantly around me that brings out all of these horrible things. His name is Matthew.

Being pregnant is hard?! (part 2)

The next couple weeks were full of appointments, worrying, and uncertainty. No one could give us an exact answer as to what was going on—would everything be fine or would I need surgery? All I wanted to know was if my baby was going to be OK; if I was going to be OK.

Because of the possible ectopic pregnancy, we got sent to the hospital’s free OB/GYN clinic until we could figure out what was going on. The nurses and doctors there treated me like crap. They viewed me as a stupid teenager with no future who didn’t know how to use a condom. They looked at my mother, being 16 years older than me, with a look as if saying “Ah, it all makes sense now.” They were horrible.

Two weeks we waited, longing to know what the answer was going to be. Mikel and I didn’t go to work; we didn’t leave the house other than to go to the appointments. My mom was stressed to the max with worry and fear for us, but she did a good job hiding it.

When I was 5 weeks along we went for yet another ultrasound. Panicked and worried we waited silently for the ultrasound tech to say something to at least hint at what the outcome might be….but nothing.

“If you want to go take a seat in the waiting room, I’ll just type up your appointment summary.” Oh my god we might actually find something out! 

That had to be the longest 10 or 15 minutes of my life.

When the woman came back out I could feel my heart racing. Looking at her hand and seeing the folded piece of paper, I didn’t know whether to be excited or scared. Just give me the piece of paper so I can read it and we can leave. Taking a deep breath I opened the folded paper and frantically skimmed trying to find something useful.

“…able to see the fetus in patient’s uterus….unable to find a fetal pole or yolk sack…”

What the hell does that mean?! That wasn’t really useful at all. So of course, I called my mom and told her, hoping she would be able to shed some knowledge.

“Let’s just see what the doctor has to say at your appointment later.” Yay. More waiting.

At the clinic, the doctor was AWFUL to me! I was told that one of the reasons they couldn’t see a lot in the ultrasound was because I had a lot of gas backed up. Which really sucked! But it’s not like it was something I had any control over.

Well, this doctor was such a bitch to me that she literally, some how, made me feel bad for not being able to fart. HOW DOES SOMEONE DO THAT?! No clue. But she did it. Somehow, some way.

Throughout this one appointment with her, she managed to insult and embarrass me, look down on my mother, judge the two of us and my boyfriend, and completely piss us all off. She hardly told us anything we didn’t already know and still didn’t give us an answer to the whole situation. The only thing useful that she did explain, was that a fetal pole and a yolk sack was VERY important!

She scheduled ANOTHER ultrasound for the following week. But at that one we could see the baby, see (not hear) the heartbeat, and got our first sonogram. 🙂 We FINALLY got the answer we had been waiting for!!!

GOODBYE CRAPPY CLINIC 🙂

Being pregnant is hard?! (part 1)

So for those of you who didn’t know, being pregnant is pretty hard. Who would have thought?!

I’ve only been pregnant for 4 months and it seems like one thing after another keeps getting thrown at me.  And I mean literally from the beginning, when I first found out I was pregnant.

Now before I go too much further, let me back up a little because some of you might not know what I’m talking about.

Back in November I had been having a lot of pain— to the point where I could barely walk. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m not a wimp. I have a VERY high tolerance for pain so it was BAD! But of course, like anything else, I figured it would just go away so I waited through it.

Well, I was wrong. Eventually, I called out of work and checked myself into the nearest Quick Care (but of course I work for the hospital so everyone knew me lol).

For the first half hour being there, waiting to be triaged, I thought I was just overreacting and should go home—But when the nurse came out it was too late for that. Now everyone was going to make fun of me for checking myself in for cramps.

In triage, things quickly changed. One moment I was sitting there explaining my pain to the nurse and the next I’m leaned over my seat, losing my eyesight, unable to hear anything, and vomiting. Clearly something was wrong!

After getting into a room; changing; being poked and prodded with needles; giving a urine sample; and being pumped with morphine; Mikel showed up. And like clock work, the doctor came in right behind him.

“So has anyone told you the results of your tests?”

“No? No one’s told me anything.”

Shutting the door behind him, “Well, we got the results of your pregnancy test…” Ya ya ya hurry up and tell me it’s negative so we can talk about what’s really wrong with me. “…and it came back positive.”

Squeezing Mikel’s hand, my eyes widened as I tried to comprehend how I could be pregnant. “OK…so why am I in so much pain?”

“Well there could be a couple reasons why that is…” The doctor went on to explain how I could either have just a big cyst or it was an ectopic pregnancy.

“So what does that mean if it is ectopic?”

“If it is in fact ectopic than you would have to have an emergency surgery to remove it or it could put your life at risk. But we don’t need to think about that until we find out for sure what’s going on.”

As soon as he left the room and shut the door I broke into tears and an anxiety attack. I couldn’t handle this. It was all too much to take in.

Mikel stood there crying with me trying to be strong and calm me down and when I did finally did we had a chance to break the shocking news to our parents.

“Hi honey, what’s going on? Did they figure anything out yet? How are you doing? I’m trying to get everything done at the office so I can come in and be with you.”

“Mom, I’m pregnant…”

“WHAT?!”

“…they’re not sure if I have a cyst or if the baby is in my Fallopian tube. If it is, I’m going to need emergency surgery…”

“I’m grabbing my stuff right now. I’ll be there in a few minutes!”

The right person will love everything about you that the wrong people took for granted.

James Michael Sama

For anyone attempting “dating” in the 21st century, there is an overwhelming question of whether or not our generation actually appreciates the qualities many of us were taught to possess by our parents, grandparents, or hell – even Disney movies.

In an age that seems to be overrun by the self-absorbed, those who are perpetual givers often feel as though they are shoveling their heart into an abyss of apathy. The “me me me” generation can easily seem as though they feel entitled to the special attention they are given, and therefore express their appreciation less.

To the giver, this can be quite disheartening. While I believe that someone with a truly generous heart will never do something for the sake of anything in return, everyone likes to feel appreciated by someone they care about, or put themselves out there for.

I think one of the biggest keys to avoiding…

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Why you shouldn’t give up on love.

Don’t give up on love.

James Michael Sama

Love hurts.

Love stinks.

Love sucks.

…No, it doesn’t.

Being betrayed, cheated on, lied to, broken up with, thinking someone is different than they are – those things all suck. Love, does not.

Our generation has a considerably difficult time finding love. Many times they find a hookup at a club that lasts for a few dates, or maybe meet someone on Facebook who says all the right things but ends up turning out to be “like all the rest.” This prompts the natural reaction of blaming the pain on love.

But, on the contrary – love is one of the strongest driving forces for humanity. We pursue it and crave it from family, friends, and significant others. This is not because it hurts. This is because it lifts us up and makes us feel invincible. Like we want to be the best versions of ourselves.

Do not confuse love…

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How To Attract The Man You Want

James Michael Sama

In previous blog posts I have explained why we shouldn’t let chivalry die, how to spot a player, and even how to approach a woman without getting slapped.

I will be speaking more on the general cluelessness of men in dating these days in upcoming posts – but first, women, you have to understand that being approached and courted by a gentleman is not a right or an entitlement – it’s a privilege.

It takes a surprising amount of courage for a man to approach a woman he doesn’t know, no matter how much confidence he has – especially considering the dismal success rate for such an act.

If you are looking for a smart, educated, established man, you’ve got to project the qualities that will attract someone of that stature.

I hate to say this, but we all know it’s true: You will be judged…

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The Thing Girls Need To Stop Doing – Now.

Another good read to learn from future Princesses out there!

James Michael Sama

Listen, I get it.

Women want to (and should be) taken seriously and respected. Anyone who has read any of my previous blog posts knows that that’s my position on the situation.

Unfortunately, so many of them are going about it the wrong way.

Not a day goes by that I don’t see a girl who proudly refers to herself as a ‘bitch’ or a ‘bad bitch.’ I hate even typing out these phrases because they sound so ridiculous.

A woman who carries herself with dignity and class commands far more respect than one who seems to constantly be at war with the male gender.

When did this become a good thing?

I can see groups of friends who call each other ‘bitches’ or whatever, but referring to yourself that way? Time to grow up.

You don’t need to be a bitch to be taken seriously. You don’t need…

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20 Things To Start Doing In Your Relationships

James Michael Sama

A list I came across that I try to follow daily, in all of my relationships. Successfully doing so will lead to more fulfilling, happy interactions with everyone around you.

– Free yourself from negative people.

– Let go of those who are already gone.

– Give everyone you don’t know a fair chance.

– Show everyone kindness and respect.

– Accept people just the way they are.

– Encourage others and cheer for them.

– Be your imperfectly perfect self.

– Forgive people and move forward.

– Do little things every day for others.

– Always be loyal.

– Stay in better touch with the people who matter to you.

– Keep your promises and tell the truth.

– Give what you want to receive.

– Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

– Allow others to make their own decisions.

– Talk a little less, and…

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